How to deal with both the biter's and victim's parents and when to get health care professionals involved.
Daycare providers and preschool teachers at some point or another are called upon to handle the behavioral issue of biting, whether the incident is between two children or a child has bitten an adult.
After the adult reacts in a calm manner and gets the situation under control, the adult is then faced with the difficult and delicate task of informing the parents of the victim and the parents of the biter about the incident.
Informing the Biter’s parents
Informing a parent about a child’s unacceptable behavior is difficult in any circumstance. When a child has hurt another child it important to handle the child’s parents delicately, but don’t skirt the issue. it is important that the biters parents be informed of the seriousness of their child’s behavior. But what is the best way to approach a parent in this situation?
Dr. Carl Arinoldo, parenting expert and author of Essentials of Smart Parenting: Learning the Fine Art of Managing Your Children has great suggestions for handling the biter’s parents. Dr. Arinoldo says it is best to ease into the biting issue: “The provider should first discuss all of the good behaviors and/or talents that the child may exhibit. The provider must be very careful not to accuse or place blame directly”.
Next, explain what has already been done to resolve the issue.
“In addition, the provider can ask the parents if the behavior is seen at home and what, if anything, have the parents found helpful in curbing this behavior”, says Arinoldo.
How the child behaves at home is an important issue to observe and discuss, according to Dr. Norman E. Hoffman, highly regarded psychotherapist, board-certified mental health counselor, and author of Bad Children Can Happen to Good Parents, Dr. Hoffman advises, “Perhaps they may be aware of situations that may need to be terminated at home to discourage biting or other aggressive behaviors”.
Dr. Arinoldo suggests that at the conclusion of the talk, the provider should end with something positive about the child in question.
Informing the “Victim’s” Parents
Informing a parent that their child was harmed at daycare or preschool is also a challenge, but must not be avoided. Dr. Arinoldo recommends that the provide parents with details about the about the incident and inform them about the steps taken to resolve the issue. If the issue isn't yet resolved, then the parents should be told how the provider plans to resolve it.
If your facility has a biting policy that protects the child, reminding the parent about the policies you have in place may help ease the parent’s mind.
Biting Policies
Most daycares and preschools have biting policies. This biting policy will not only explain procedural steps for handling biting, but will also explain specific administrative policy with regard to biting incidents. For example, your policy might state that after a child has a second biting incident the child will be removed from the daycare or preschool for one week. After the third biting incident, the child will be removed for two weeks. If a child bites the forth time he/she will be removed indefinitely.
Having a biting policy on place lets parents know that long term biting that goes unaddressed will not be tolerated.
When To Get Professionals Involved
A pediatrician or health care provider should be consulted whenever the biting results in a child's skin being broken of regardless of the age of the child, says Dr. Arinoldo. He warns: “If there is a persistent pattern of biting, an appropriate professional should be consulted, such as a child psychologist or child psychiatrist”.
Additionally, Dr. Arinoldo says that if the child is over the age of three, some consultation is in order.
Parents may need to seriously evaluate their behavior at home, and change more aggressive behaviors to more gentle caring ones, says Dr. Hoffman. “In more severe cases, the biter may have to be referred to a child development expert and additionally be removed from school”.
Dealing with behavioral issues is a challenge, especially when you want to avoid hurt feelings, fear, or frustration. Be firm, but always be honest and direct.
The copyright of the article Daycare Biting Policies in Day Care Behavior Issues is owned by Carla Snuggs. Permission to republish Daycare Biting Policies in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
Carla, my toddler has been biten twice at daycare (neither time badly). We
got the accident reports, and they didn't tell us who the biter was. Is
that standard protocol?
Jul 20, 2007 8:52 AM
Carla Snuggs :
Hi Naomi. Sorry for not getting back to you sooner...I was on a
vacation.
I believe that it depends on the biting policy of the
particular facility. Some biting policies state something to the effect of:
"Confidentiality of all children involved will be maintained". I
would ask to see a copy of the biting policy. If knowing the identity of
the biter is important to you, check to see if there is something in
writing that would restrict you from knowing this information. If there is
nothing in the policy that maintains this confidentiality, then you have a
right to know. Personally, if I were a parent I wouldn't need to know
WHO bit my child, but I think its important to know if the SAME child was
biting my child over and over. At the very least they should be able to
reveal that information.
Feb 23, 2009 3:54 PM
Guest :
My child has been bitten at least 12 times by the same child. (All over a
5 month period (they were seperated for 2 of those 5 months) Now that they
are in the same room again, the biting has comtinued. I don't feel we
should be the ones to leave. The "church funded" daycare just
gives me a run around answer. (The biter's family is a member of the
parish) What suggestions do you have? Are there any legal ramifacations we
can take?
May 6, 2009 3:52 PM
Guest :
I feel that if you are a bitter and it happens 2 or more times they should
be the ones that have to leave. It is out of control that your child has
been bitten 12 times. My daughter isn't even 1 yet and she was bit in the
face by another child. Her whole left side of her face is now infected by
some bacteria....Why should my child have to to go through this because of
the negliance of the daycare.
May 7, 2009 5:37 AM
Guest :
This is a very difficult subject. Unfortunately, my son is a biter; we are
doing everything we can to diffuse the issue and I have found that being
open with the daycare and the other parents on the issue is really helpful.
If everyone can make an effort and work together to get through the stage
the better it is for everyone.
Jul 28, 2009 2:04 PM
Guest :
Hello Mamas and Papas. My toddler has been another victim of biting. I'm so
frustrated. I'm moving to another daycare because we got a house and I just
won't make a big deal. The daycare has had a conference with the parents
and teachers about this problem. I will see today what happened. They do
not have time out, not separation, neither suspension. I Don't think that's
the right thing. My pediatritian recommended to take pictures of the bites
and it's my choice to demmand for an HIV test of the other child. I
understand. Some of the kids aren't vocal yet but I don't want my little
one to be another chewing toy for a kid. Is bullying starting already??
Aug 18, 2009 9:33 AM
Guest :
This article recommends what is essentially suspension for a child that
bites. My only question is this - what could that possibly accomplish?
Look, kids bite. It's a fact. True, it's not fun for anyone, but
realistically, kids just are not programmed to be in a room with a bunch of
other kids. They bite for a thousand reasons, and it's not the biter's
fault, the bitee's fault, the parent's fault, or the daycare provider's
fault. It just is. If you want to be assured that your child will never
be bitten, keep him away from other children. God forbid that any of the
angry parents of a "victim" should ever have their own child bite
another. What would they do?
Sep 16, 2009 5:57 AM
Guest :
My child has bitten at preschool during play. It's frustrating because
he's usually not aggressive, and he can be kicked out on the next offense.
Last time he said he was playing "dragons" and the time before he
said he was playing "puppies". Biting is not tolerated at home
and his family and teacher has talked to him about it. I just don't
understand why he thinks it's okay in play.
Oct 6, 2009 5:58 PM
Guest :
My child has been bitten 6 or more times. This last time I confronted the
daycare staff. Long story short. I was told to find a new daycare. While
the child that was bitting is still there. They daycare would not tell me
if it was the same child bitting my child. I did not get a copy of the
in-house report. I did not even see an in-house report. I am very upset.
What kind of legal remedies do I have any any... If anyone in Texas has an
answer e-mail me at divertim2000@yahoo.com Thank you.
Jul 9, 2007
